Robert on Eisner

Right back at the start of the whole episode Iain asked Robert to put down in writing of no more than one page who or what Robert Eisner is in his own words. The following is the unedited outpouring. It kind of gives a little depth to the source material. A bit of color.

Robert Eisner - Biography

Description: A graduate with an Journalism major. Wow. Get me! Robert Eisner. I guess I never found my niche unless that niche is trawling bars at night trying to workout what went wrong. Ambition got up and fucked off so long ago I can't even recall how I got the job I hate so much. I do know one thing though: I'm a loose cannon. Mad. Knowing that fact has saved my sanity so many times. Knowing you're a little fucked up and accepting it is fine, pretending you're a wholesome balanced member of the country club is suicide.

Those Kenneth Cole wearing bastards are the most screwed up of the lot of us. That's the joke. The only way to succeed is to be a degenerate. A piece of shit. Then people will smile at you.

I wear shoes, not sneakers. I don't have a hairstyle. I have hair and it gets cut when it grows long enough to mess with the legs of my eye glasses. I don't wear them all the time. Only in meetings when I feel the urge to look like I know what I'm doing. I like brown. It's like black but not as goth. Fucking goths. I absolutely abhor alternative youth culture. There's no such thing. It's the same as saying multi-cultural. They're both paradoxes. They sound good but can never really happen wholesale as the pivotal component of what make them exist is the very thing they are trying to destroy. I use cutlery. Cutlery is a knife AND fork. One in each hand. None of this chop and stab bullshit that everyone seems to go for. The Brits have some things down that we may take centuries to understand. They have evolved. We haven't. We are evolving. Make no mistake, we are not and will not be British but those Europeans have the whole lifestyle thing down. They really do. If they didn't Italians wouldn't be stallions! I don't want to be European, I want to be better. I like reading. I like whiskey. I like to do both together. Often. I like knowing I'm outstanding at my job and when this damn writer's strike is done I'll be better as I will have had time to re-center my mind again and get focused. The whole world of American television is mine for the taking. If I make the right choices I can be a controlling factor in the mass media and then I can begin to educate those middle America fucking retards who think God created the world in seven days, but just in case we're wrong we should have the last nuclear arsenal ready to strike at a second's notice. Make no mistake I'm not anti-American. I'm anti-asshole and right now those Republicans are killing our country from the inside out. The only way to get the international community to do what you want is to help them, be part of them, work with them not impose demands on countries whose culture is different from yours and sulk if you don't get the backing of the United Nations.